"A PICTURE NO ARTIST COULD PAINT"

Having quite worn myself out yesterday I was pleasantly surprised to find that after a few hour rest I was able to take up my paint brushes again and continue to paint the woodwork in my bedroom. A total waste of four years fine arts training? Not at all.

OK,so it's hardly the Sistine Chapel,all the same somebody had to put on the undercoat,even for Michael Angelo!

Many years ago I was engaged in painting the son of a friend, to picture was to be a gift for his Grandparents. He was a pretty little boy and sat without much fidgeting for all of two minutes,a record I might add,and it was during one of his running around the room to work off the pent up energy engendered by those two minutes that I looked out of the window into the street.

What I saw there made me do the fastest double take of all time.

Cruising slowly down the street was a large vehicle,a little like a modern mini bus, nothing unusual about that. What was most unusual were the assorted backsides which were hanging out of the window,where possible and pressed up against the glass where it was not!

Quick as a flash I began to scribble a sketch of the scene,the startled crowds the pointing fingers of the children and of course the bums! It seemed like a united nations evens as it appeared that every continent was represented with out fear or favour. This was confirmed when the vehicle,having turned round at the end of the street returned with a similar display featuring the occupants of the other side of the van.

By this time I was laughing helplessly,doubled up and unable to hold my pencil straight. Out in the street the crowds were in a similar condition and when a Police car speeded down the road after the United Nations Bum Show the laughter became even more uproarious.

I propped my sketch up on the easel and just a that moment the only person around who had not seen the display of formation mooning caught sight of the picture on the easel. He was absolutely silent for a couple of minutes as he stared at the sketch,at last he spoke.

In am angry voice he declared that he was sure his mother would not like his portrait I had made it look like a school photo of his class......with their trousers off!

In those far off days before mobile telephones with cameras mine was the only record of the event. It was perused by the Local Police who were,I assumed looking for any distinguishing features,and by the local press who expressed an interest in publishing my work in the weekly rag.

I of course refused to publish,after all who wants to be considered the same as many other modern so called artists.....................actually the truth is simply that the sketch disappeared,it vanished from my portfolio without a trace...shame really...if I had it today it could be worth a fortune.