DOCTORS ORDERS

My devilishly early appointment with my G.P. Was not without incident and of course the outcome was more or less exactly as I expected. To begin with I arrived a little early and logged in on the computerised screen which spares the receptionist the chore of dealing face to face with the people to whom she is so rude on the telephone.

I waited................minutes dragged by but even I was surprised when an hour later I had not been called,you see the computer had informed me that I was the next patient to be seen .Soon after this I fell asleep and was shaken awake by a concerned nurse,I think she thought that I had died while waiting. It was at this point the I was told that the Doctor had been delayed and would be at least another half an hour and would I care to make another appointment.......I declined with as much politeness as I could muster and mentioned that perhaps in future someone should inform the computer as to the Doctors comings and goings.

I |fell asleep again twice more and was awakened twice more by concerned passers by,I was awakened from my final nap by my Doctor,he at least woke me gently and not in a manner likely to trigger a heart attack!

I followed him in to his office and after having a good old fashioned moan about his computer (I was sympathetic) we got down to business. Thankfully he agreed to my request for more pain relief tablets as I now take the maximum daily dose which means that I am using them up quickly.

Of course he told me that I need an operation,as he is also Pa's G.P. He understands why I cannot possibly have an operation until Pa's leg has been dealt with.

Next I unveiled another set of symptoms which,I confess I have been keeping quiet about for some time. Unfortunately these have now become so obtrusive that I had to make a clean breast of it and tell all......the result......tests, tests and more tests beginning next week. It seems likely that I have diabetes,time will tell.

I did not arrive home until almost noon,my good son, who had waited breakfast made me some spaghetti on toast and very welcome it was as I had eaten nothing before I left home.

Next Thursday I am to have a fasting blood test, I do not mind having nothing to eat but really,expecting one to go stravaging about town at the crack of dawn without so much as a cup of coffee is appalling. Still I shall do as I am bidden and hope for the best although I usually have to drink two cups before I can prise my eyes open!

What ever the tests show all I ask is to stay on my feet for the next three or four months so that Pa can have his operation and time to get over it before I too am obliged to eat hospital dinners.

I hear that the government spends about ten times more on prison food than it dose on hospital hog wash, having been on the receiving end of hospital food I can quite believe it.

Apparently the prisoners took the government to European Court of Human Rights, which makes hospital patients seemingly less than human. Perhaps while a patient I may start a riot,take one of the consultants hostage and demand decent food...or else!

It is a well known fact the our local Pizza outlets would go out of business were it not for the daily orders from patients at our local hospital. Visitors arrive armed with packets of sandwiches and fish and chips at visiting time while the food served to patients goes back to the trolley barely touched.

Note to self .take a couple of take away menus with me along with my dressing gown toothbrush and slippers!