The heat is not all
that is oppressing our family today,tomorrow my mother gets the
result of her scan,and I am finding the suspense unbearable, not for
myself,but for my mother. They have warned her that they suspect
cancer,and although she is being very optimistic and very brave I
know what this is doing to her.
I called her yesterday
and she was full of interest in my sons doings and asked after each
of us ,and all the while my heart was breaking,In that moment I would
have given my soul to be able to hug her and kiss her dear face.
I know I do not sound
it but I too am optimistic as it is some months since the doctor
first broached the subject and from what my mother has told me she
feels well,looks well and is eating well.
For months now my mind
has been chanting the mantra “Mum is going to be OK. Mum is going
to be OK”I fall asleep saying it and when I awake it is usually my
first thought.
Thirty years ago my
Father died of cancer,he was fifty six years old and had always been
fit and strong, watching him slowly lose that strength until he was
as dependant as a baby was terrible,I remember every day of it,and so
does my mother.
I cannot be there to
see her,I can do nothing to help,I cannot even give her the hug she
needs so badly and which I so badly need to give. I cannot bear the
thought of what tomorrow might bring.
Pa is poorly today he
has been asleep for the most part, he is in pain when he awakes and
seems to be confused,all I can do is let him rest and give him fluids
and his medication.
I dread tomorrow and
yet at least we shall know for sure what we are up against,.
How typical of life to
temper the happiness of my sons success with the anxiety over my dear
mothers health,she is so proud of her grandson ,and he loves her in
return. Everything hinges on tomorrow.
Cross your fingers for
her and your toes, please.
P.S
Tonight,my son finished
the third novel in his new series and celebrated with a large shot of
Rum. What ever happens tomorrow I know my Mum will be proud of her
clever grandson.
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