The day began with me in a panic as late last night Pa had broken the news that the tumble dryer has conked out, this news coming just as I had been asleep for about twenty minutes this news was sufficient to prevent me from dropping off again until the early hours of the morning. I have observed that if a household appliance is going to go on the fritz it invariably does it on a Friday,meaning of course that it will usually be Monday at the earliest before the repair man can come, this is a bank holiday weekend so we would be lucky if we could expect him before Tuesday....bum, blast and bugger!
I got up early and made coffee for all and then went downstairs to call the repair man in the vain hope that if I called early enough he just might come today. Roused from a deep sleep Pa muttered that I might like to try the dryer as he thought that it was working after all. I tried it....it worked! With murder in my heart I stalked out of the room unable to trust myself not to at least say something very rude. Why did he not tell me that he had been mistaken? Because he did not want to wake me up. Aaaaaaaaaaargh!
Still it was good news and I filled the machine full of towels and got on with the breakfast preparations, blueberry muffins, after which I made three large loaves for the weekend and at this point the grocery delivery arrived, well sort of. You see for some reason best known to themselves the supermarket had sent four large packs of smoked bacon which was not what we ordered, we all detest the stuff. Only one pack of prosciutto arrived instead of two, if I continue with the list of discrepancies it will become boring , suffice it to say that as soon as the driver had departed I was obliged to hare off to the shops to purchase the missing items many of which we needed for today, bum, blast and bugger!
On my return I commenced the cleaning of the kitchen, which as it will be the venue for a birthday party for a friend of my son's on Sunday needed and extra do and Was chagrined to find that Pa had for some reason covered the kitchen floor with glass bottles, bird seed and such a mass of tat that I could not see the kitchen floor or the sofa in the living room. I bit my tongue again, by now it was getting quite sore and went upstairs fuming, blast, damn and bugger!
My son managed to get Pa out of the way and I rearranged the living room furniture to make room for Sundays party and finished cleaning the kitchen., while my son hovered upstairs ready for me to steam. Pa had been asked to put the bags of jam jars, kindly donated by friends and neighbours in to the buggy hutch by the front door, as they were already in the hall by now this should have taken minutes. Quite a long while later the fog in my brain cleared a little and I wondered what all the crashing and smashing noise out side in the garden was about? Pa had decided to sort out the bottles, God knows why since he has no idea at all which sizes I shall want first, there were dozens of bottles all over the path, the sky was black and it was spotting with rain. Oh arse!
The cleaning was done the hoovering was finished all that now remained was for me to steam the floors and carpets...................can you guess what happened next boys and girls............quite right, the steam had ceased to function. **!!!!***...***!!!!!. I was speechless !
There was nothing for it but to order a new one and in the mean time buy a mop.
Now it transpires that Pa knew the steamer was not working as it had not worked when he attempted to use it over a week ago, to make matters worse I remembered him going on about the steamer not working correctly but after all the nonsense about the washing machine I erroneously assumed that this was another of his …...misapprehensions shall we say. More fool me!
I opened a can of beer drank it quickly while wondering what on earth I had done to deserve my fate.
Perhaps in a past life I was a mass murderer, or worse a banker or a politician, it would have to be something really bad that much was certain.
Resigned to my fate I laid the table for our evening meal, which was a real bright spot in an otherwise appalling day, we tucked in and enjoyed ourselves and while not exactly laughing in the face of adversity we did begin to see the funny side, almost.
In fact we had a lovely meal and we laughed and joked as we planned to capture a small island and live there in peace, what to do with the natives however was the difficulty, some how O do not think that the people of Sark or Eriskay would leave quietly, do you?
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