AN EARLY MORNING AND A SURPRISE

After a busier than usual Sunday and a later than usual night I was, predictably, shattered this morning and my poor head was spinning like a top . How typical of Murphy to drop an early morning on me after a late night I thought as I dressed and did battle with my hair.

I have often noted that on days when I have lots of time and when I am not going out my hair always goes up first time. This morning I did not have lots of time and I was going out so of course my hair refused absolutely to behave,each attempt to tame it's wild looks met with disaster and by the time I had managed a reasonably respectable;e look I was exhausted.

Still I was out on time and trundled off the my appointment with the doctor ,awake enough to wonder what the results of all those tests would be.

My doctor is a genial sort of chap,unflappable,and business like but old enough to remember that a little compassion goes a long way. I was the second patient and did not have long to wait, taking my blood pressure was the first order of business......it was normal...for me a minor miracle!

Next we discussed my problems with the new tablets and my difficulty in contacting him during the week, both problems were addressed satisfactorily.

Nothing had been said about the test results so far and finally I just had to ask......The question hung in the air for a few moments and then....all the results were fine....more than fine...my cholesterol was low, which among other results surprised my doctor, and best of all I am definitely not diabetic!!

It seems that I am suffering from exhaustion,and it is this that is causing most of my symptoms. There are still a few mysteries but at least I do not have to face endless tests and hospital visits for some new affliction, thank the Gods.

I must now become acclimatised to the new medication and adjust it to suit my changing needs, until I manage this balancing act I shall still suffer the side effects which have bedevilled me during the past week. Suffering as I am from exhaustion the last thing |I needed was a bunch of pills which induce sleep.

I am sure that all will be well in time and at least no I can have a pain free day..as long as I don't mind spending it in bed!

We had another cause for celebration, this morning my son received his first royalties cheque, and a fine big cheque it was too........at last he is beginning to believe than he has achieved his goal , once again thank the Gods.

ROLL ON MONDAY

Last night I was in so mush pain that I wimped out and took maximum doses of the new tablets and as a direct result today I experienced a total wipe out in the afternoon. I attempted to write some letters and kept falling asleep ,I felt as if my veins were filled with treacle.

Unable to keep going any longer gave up the fight and spent the afternoon in bed, mostly asleep ,but occasionally waking to wonder how I was going to find the strength to cook dinner, most important as we had a guest.

Fortunately I had made sure that the meal,though not the most elegant dining experience was at least simple to prepare, and with the help of my son we managed to produce a fairly creditable dinner. For the first time in years the cake on the table was a bought one and definitely not up to scratch,still it was better than nothing.....just

Just now the effects of tablets taken earlier are wearing off,however I am now due to take more so I may not e lucid for much longer. I am more thankful than I can say that I see my doctor early tomorrow morning. Quite how I shall get there remains to be seen,a taxi would be best I think,the idea of driving in this condition does not bear contemplation.

Good night everyone..wish me luck.

Avie's Busy Day...

Avie's had a very busy day today, and ran out of oomph before she could finish her blog...those pills have quite a kick! Normal service resumed tomorrow...

MORE NHS FUN

Following on from yesterdays rant about the receptionists at my doctors surgery,this afternoon my G.P called to ask why I had not been in contact with him about the new medication he prescribed for me last week.

Unfortunately was unavailable when he called and so my son mentioned to him that we had indeed attempted to contact him but had been prevented from doing so by the receptionists.

Insisting that he wished to speak to me he left a message that I was to call him asap, so asap that is exactly what I did. Take a wild guess at what happened next....................that’s correct,the receptionist insisted that he was busy and that it was no use leaving a message as he was seeing patients all afternoon. Well what else would he be doing? “And what exactly was the matter with me?”

Had I been in better health,I might have remarked that I was not in the habit of discussing my medical problems with unqualified ,self appointed inquisitors such as herself,as it was I could not be bothered.

Of course I explained that I was calling at the particular request of the doctor and she remarked to the effect of “Well that,s what they all say.”

To weak and feeble to argue I gave up.

I see my G.P next on Monday morning,if I survive that is. You may believe that I intend to deal with those overbearing harpies at that time...enough is enough!

Who's mad?

After a wretched night when,because of a fasting blood test this morning I was not allowed any coffee or tea and nothing to eat of course ,I was glad when the time came to keep my appointment with the needle. My original appointment was for nine fifty,then yesterday afternoon I received a call from the surgery to tell me that my appointment time had been changed to nine thirty....no problem...I thought!

This morning I arrived at nine twenty and awaited the call...it did not come. I began to get a little restive and I was not alone,two other ladies who's appointments had been changed demanded vociferously to know why ,half an hour after the appointed time they were still waiting.
I finally had my bloods done at ten fifteen and although I was cross about being kept waiting what was to follow had me positively incandescent1

The practice nurse,a lovely lady who really should go to bed earlier, picked up my forms and said “Ah ,not a fasting test this time.” I told her that it had better be and explained the circumstances,at the same time making it crystal clear that I would not,under any circumstances come back another day after I had eaten.
Apparently the receptionists(may the scaffolding in their platform bras crumble in to dust) had misunderstood the doctors directions,how tiresome of them and how typical!

Then the next bombshell,she needed a urine specimen. No mention of this having been made by either the doctor or his crackpot receptionists I had,after my long wait found a visit to the loo necessary a few minutes before being called for my appointment. The well,as it were,was dry, again I declared myself resolved not to return to correct these errors. After half an hour kicking my heels I had a bash at producing the required specimen...with only scant success..it would have to do,I told the nurse as I turned to go.

On my way out I called at reception to collect Pa's repeat prescription delayed by over a week due to successive cock ups on the part of,guess who? Had I not felt so ill I should have ,no doubt waxed satirical at her expense,as it was I headed for home feeling dizzy and rather nauseous. I reached home in a state of collapse.

The afternoon passed in a haze,the more I attempted to remain awake the more sleepy I became,this combined with a cold sweat, extreme lethargy and a spinning head made things difficult. In the end I was obliged to give up any attempt at normality and retired very early to bed.

Now several hours later and having eaten some fruit and a little ham I am feeling less zombie like,Pa had purchased some chocolate and my son made me eat some after dinner ,which seemed to made a difference almost at once.

You see, the new tablets I was prescribed last week have to be taken with food as the side effects can be quite drastic if taken on an empty stomach. The doses must be taken at regular intervals or they cannot work as they should. This is why my G.P did not ask for a fasting blood test, that piece of lunacy was entirely the idea of those intellectually challenged hags who man the reception desk.

I hope that tomorrow brings a change for the better, I have had it rather rough lately..even for me.

My son has been a prince throughout my troubles and Pa has done his best to help,I am a very lucky lady.
Here's to tomorrow and don’t forget “Dum Spiro Spero”  Where there is life there is hope.

NO GAIN WITHOUT PAIN

After several days as a zombie I have decided that I prefer to be in pain and at least coherent. While I freely admit that to be without pain for the first time in many years was glorious the price was far too high.

On the first day I was ecstatic and rather light headed,this devolved in to a state similar to drunkenness and by Monday I was completely ga-ga. My son tells me that I was incoherent most of the time ,I can only remember snatches of that day ,being unable to remain awake for more than a few moments,and dreadful dreams when I slept.

Yesterday I cut the pain relief tablets to one dose a day instead of four and I am slowly returning to normal...I hope. I am still unable to sit without falling asleep and am finding it almost impossible to concentrate, I must however put up with these symptoms until I see my G.P. again on Monday,hasten the day.

I am still hopeful of finding a middle path where the pain is lessened without obliterating my consciousness. It has been a tough decision as the pain is ,at times unbearable,but I am a carer and I must have my wits about me for Pa's sake, and Pa must come first.

How lovely today has been,real September weather,a little hazy yet warm, the air still except for the buzzing of thousands of insects all intent upon feeding. I watched a beautiful garden cross spider sunning itself in the centre of it's perfect web. Dragon flies patrolled the orchard paths in search of food,they are carnivorous and will take wasps,bees or butterflies,they are voracious and some are as big as a small bird.

In the early evening I took a run around the block on my buggy,the first in days,I chatted for a while with two old friends in the soft evening air. On my return I discovered that my son had begun the preparations for dinner and indeed he actually did cook our evening meal,it was lovely to be waited on for a change. All in all life is still sweet,and no matter what and I mean to enjoy as much as I can while I can,I cannot bear the thought of missing out on such glorious days as this has been.

Tomorrow I intend to make our Christmas Chutney,providing that the fog in my brain has dispersed ,wish me luck.

SIDE EFFECTS STILL A PROBLEM

I have never been the sort to complain about having a hangover,just so long as I have earned it!

For the past few days I have been suffering from a chemical hangover the like of which I have never experienced before. The cause is a cocktail of medications designed to help me to cope with pain,well folks I have to report that the pain has gone..whooooopi! The problem is that as well as numbing the pain the damned pills have numbed my brain.

I fall asleep the moment I sit down,which fact is making it rather difficult to eat or type. I Attempted to type out a shopping list for my son yesterday it was totally illegible

I spent much of yesterday drifting in and out of consciousness and even when awake I was,I am told incoherent. The boys had to shift for themselves and \I must say that my son did a great job,providing cups of coffee and producing a very good dinner of which unfortunatly \I was able to eat very little.

At the moment I am between doses and at these times I can be quite lucid,it does not last so I am making the most of the lull to write my blog even though \I still have a fog ion my brain.

Already I can feel the deadness slowly creeping through my veins and it feels as if I could sleep for a hundred years.

As I am writing the spelling is becoming worse by the minute,thank the Gods for spell check.

Unnatural High

My visit last week to the doctor has had a catastrophic effect upon my ability, not just to write, but to perform even the most simple task. The pain relief I have been taking very sparingly for some time I now have to take four times daily; this and the effects of a muscle relaxant and another form of pain relief has caused me a good deal of trouble.

Each of these tablets contains a leaflet warning of the after effects, one of which is drowsiness, this has proved to be a huge understatement. After taking these tablets I spend several hours asleep, whenever I wake I am totally incoherent, not to put to fine a point upon it completely ga-ga!

When I attempt to write I fall asleep for a few seconds and wake to find a screen full of lines of Js, Bs and some times even Zs, I cannot even manage to write a simple shopping list.

This has left my son having to cope with the running of the house, the preparation of meals and the writing of my daily blog. Tonight I DELAYED the taking of my medication in order to write this, unfortunately their effects are now becoming apparent and I find that I cannot think. My son will have to finish this for me, goodnight.

(Son of Avie: I tidied the blog up a little before posting it, and thought I would add that despite the aftereffects, Mum is now not in pain for the first time in years – everything's fine, just these pills being a pretty hefty shock to the system!)

Rip Van Avie...

The good news is that the pills are working wonders. The bad news is that she's taking time to get used to them...so I fear no blog tonight, though it was a nice day with friends around for breakfast and dinner. Normal service tomorrow...I hope...

WHEE!!!

Avie has been issued with some new pills for her aches and pains, and the good news is that they are working. The bad is that they knocked her out! Normal service to be resumed tomorrow, fingers crossed!

DOCTORS ORDERS

My devilishly early appointment with my G.P. Was not without incident and of course the outcome was more or less exactly as I expected. To begin with I arrived a little early and logged in on the computerised screen which spares the receptionist the chore of dealing face to face with the people to whom she is so rude on the telephone.

I waited................minutes dragged by but even I was surprised when an hour later I had not been called,you see the computer had informed me that I was the next patient to be seen .Soon after this I fell asleep and was shaken awake by a concerned nurse,I think she thought that I had died while waiting. It was at this point the I was told that the Doctor had been delayed and would be at least another half an hour and would I care to make another appointment.......I declined with as much politeness as I could muster and mentioned that perhaps in future someone should inform the computer as to the Doctors comings and goings.

I |fell asleep again twice more and was awakened twice more by concerned passers by,I was awakened from my final nap by my Doctor,he at least woke me gently and not in a manner likely to trigger a heart attack!

I followed him in to his office and after having a good old fashioned moan about his computer (I was sympathetic) we got down to business. Thankfully he agreed to my request for more pain relief tablets as I now take the maximum daily dose which means that I am using them up quickly.

Of course he told me that I need an operation,as he is also Pa's G.P. He understands why I cannot possibly have an operation until Pa's leg has been dealt with.

Next I unveiled another set of symptoms which,I confess I have been keeping quiet about for some time. Unfortunately these have now become so obtrusive that I had to make a clean breast of it and tell all......the result......tests, tests and more tests beginning next week. It seems likely that I have diabetes,time will tell.

I did not arrive home until almost noon,my good son, who had waited breakfast made me some spaghetti on toast and very welcome it was as I had eaten nothing before I left home.

Next Thursday I am to have a fasting blood test, I do not mind having nothing to eat but really,expecting one to go stravaging about town at the crack of dawn without so much as a cup of coffee is appalling. Still I shall do as I am bidden and hope for the best although I usually have to drink two cups before I can prise my eyes open!

What ever the tests show all I ask is to stay on my feet for the next three or four months so that Pa can have his operation and time to get over it before I too am obliged to eat hospital dinners.

I hear that the government spends about ten times more on prison food than it dose on hospital hog wash, having been on the receiving end of hospital food I can quite believe it.

Apparently the prisoners took the government to European Court of Human Rights, which makes hospital patients seemingly less than human. Perhaps while a patient I may start a riot,take one of the consultants hostage and demand decent food...or else!

It is a well known fact the our local Pizza outlets would go out of business were it not for the daily orders from patients at our local hospital. Visitors arrive armed with packets of sandwiches and fish and chips at visiting time while the food served to patients goes back to the trolley barely touched.

Note to self .take a couple of take away menus with me along with my dressing gown toothbrush and slippers!

TOFFEE APPLES AND FRESH FRUIT JELLY SWEETS

Apples are plentiful this year,my old Bramley is drooping under the weight of ripening fruit and the neighbours have been given a carte blanch to help themselves .

Looking out of the window today it is easy to begin thinking about such autumn festivities as bonfire night,but before this exciting feast day there will be church and school harvest festivals,and the usual autumn bring and buy stall.

Here are a couple of recipes for good old fashioned seasonal sweets,both will look great on a stall or as a contribution to a bonfire party .

TOFFEE APPLES

1ib granulated sugar

2 oz butter

2 teaspoons white cider vinegar

1 tablespoon of golden syrup

quarter pint of water

6-8 eating apples + wooden sticks

place all the ingredients except the apples and the sticks in to a heavy pan and heat gently until the sugar has dissolved. Boil rapidly for about 5 minutes or until a little of the mixture dropped into cod water forms hard brittle threads. Use a sugar thermometer if you have one,it removes the guess work, 280oF or 140oC.

Wipe each apple and push a stick in to the core. Dip into the toffee mixture. Swirl around to remove any excess mixture then place on a buttered tin or on some non stick baking paper to set.

Eat on the day they are made.

REAL FRUIT JELLIES

All the farmers wives in our village made these in the autumn,as well as the basic ingredients they would sometimes use a little elderberry juice to make red jellies and blackberry juice for purple ones.

2 lb apples,plums or pears.

Granulated sugar

juice of a lemon

caster sugar for coating.

Place the prepared fruit in to a pan with just sufficient water to prevent sticking( AT THIS POINT ADD THE BLACKBERRY JUICE INSTEAD OF WATER IF YOU LIKE) or until the fruit is completely soft. Sieve the fruit to make a purree.

Weigh the purree and add an equal amount of granulated sugar and stir in the lemon juice. Place a heavy pan over a low heat to dissolve the sugar then increase the heat and boil rapidly until a thick paste forms and the mixture is on the pint of setting. Pour the mixture into a shallow tin lined with non stick baking paper and leave until cold. Cut into shapes and roll in caster sugar. Store in an air tight tin.

Both of these sweet can have artificial colouring and flavouring added to them ,to my mind this defeats the object of making them yourself,hey ho! Each man to the devil his own way!

BUMF !

There has been a further development in the long-running saga of the blocked drains. This morning we were graced with a letter from the Estate Manager, and the contents were as follows:

Dear Occupier, as you are aware, there was another incidence with the drains a couple of weeks ago, requiring the attentions of one of our senior maintenance operatives. He informs me that the blockage was due to a backlog of baby wipes that had evidently been flushed down the toilet. I therefore request that in future only paper and soil be flushed down the lavatories. This will, we hope, solve the problem of the blockages and will mean that our maintenance man will not have to do this unpleasant job again.

We decided to reply in like kind.

Dear Sir, I have but one question to ask in relation to your letter – is it toilet paper or soil?

Yours Faithfully

The Occupier.

In the twelve years that we have lived here the drains have overflowed at least four times a year every year. This is due to the antique pipe work which is cracked and full of fibrous tree root and not the abuse of baby wipes.

JAM TODAY

This years jam making season has been fraught with difficulties,not least my increasing infirmity,however the real trouble was in having the kitchen virtually out of action for the better part of a month while the faulty cooker and the defunct work surfaces were being replaced.

Since then I have been playing catchup as the fruit ripened quickly.

Then there was the jam jar shortage which held up proceedings for a week or so,all in all it has been a troublesome business all round, and yet I would not give up the pleasure and satisfaction of having my store cupboards full of home made goodies for the world.

Yesterday I had set a large jelly bag of apple and elderberry to drip overnight into a bowl and this morning I had five and a half pints of delicious clear juice. With twenty assorted size jars in the oven to sterilise and the lids immersed in boiling water I brought the juice to the boil,added five and a half pounds of sugar and soon I had a total of nineteen jars of glorious deep red jelly cooling on the worktop.

Of course much of this will be given as Christmas gifts to friends and the tradespeople who look after us so well all the year round, grocery delivery men who always bring the goods in to the kitchen,the drivers who deliver such things as meat, books and clothing ordered on line. Some of these have been coming here for so long that they have become friends and It is so nice to be able to give them a treat.

My Christmas chutney is one of the most popular so that not making it is unthinkable ,and besides we love it too. Now is the time to make the Christmas Chutney,in fact most chutneys benefit from about three months maturing time,I shall make mine this week ,I hope,that lovely task ,together with the blanching of apple rings and beans will keep me busy for the rest of the week.

On Friday I have an appointment with my G.P. I hope that he will sanction some extra pain relief as lately I have been obliged to take the stuff more often in order to keep going during the day.

Soon,we hope ,Pa will have his knee replacement and once he is recovered and can manage a little without me I shall ,with luck have my own knee replacement operation. It is odd really,as I was booked to have surgery before Pa's knee began to disintegrate. Pa has rheumatoid arthritis where as I have Osteo Arthritis, the type he has is more aggressive and he is much worse than I am at this time.

In the mean time our cupboards are looking well stocked and we are looking forward to a snug and hopefully peaceful winter. My son writing in his book cave with his adored cat for company. Pa hopefully feeling better after his surgery and as for me, I shall be where I love to be,in my kitchen cooking up a series of winter treats and preparing for the feast days and festivals to come.

GOONS ON THE BLOCK!

What ever skulduggery my landlords minions are up to took a nasty turn today in the arrival of a trio of surveyors. On it's own this means very little,these types have been coming and going for years,taken in context how ever a more sinister connotation could be placed upon this visitation.

My neighbour,who moved out of the cottage next door to me into a much bugger house at the end of our orchard has suddenly been given notice to quit,this in spite of the fact that he was assured last year that his lease would be extended indefinitely.

We share the misfortune of having the same absentee landlord,a titled personage who's interests lie else where. His land agent,a vacillating shiftless fellow who will stick at nothing in the pursuit of two shekels profit, would ,it is said skin his grandmother if he could get a price for her hide.

For some time we have been living with the threat of losing our lovely orchard and kitchen garden to this man's greed and this time last year it was to be full steam ahead in early summer. We waited....nothing happened and the silence on the matter was deafening. Then we heard some unexpected news which changed everything.

Rumour hath it that our illustrious landlord is, not to put too fine a point upon it,pot-less!”

Massive overspending of unprofitable schemes together with a high maintenance wife and crippling death duties have cleaned the old …...him... out! If those who run his main residence are anything like the arch numpties here this comes as no surprise.

All at once the talk is of selling properties,dozens of staff have been laid off and rents on the estate have almost quadrupled in an attempt to claw back some much needed cash. After all even such a (noble) family as his cannot live on credit forever. Tradesmen have the low habit of expecting payment for their wares...............eventually.

We hear of unpaid council taxes on estate properties,unpaid water rates, tradespeople refusing to supply of render more services until outstanding accounts are paid.

The remaining staff have been told they will receive no pay rise and some have been asked to work overtime for no remuneration! This is not the way to retain the loyalty and respect of ones retainers.

So where does this leave us? Your guess is as good as mine,the one certainty is that what ever happens we shall,as always be the last to know. I have suspicions,but that is all.

In the mean time I console myself with the fact that unlike my unfortunate landlord I am mercifully free of debt and can at least call my soul my own.

It certainly is a lesson to all,when even the exalted can be poorer in every way than such a humble peasant as I.

AUTUMNAL MUSINGS

Summer arrived very late this year and seems now to have departed in haste without any warning, the long hot days,sometimes too hot, have devolved in to cold rainy mornings and blustery afternoons which slip quickly in to darkness.

This turn of events always triggers in me the urge to make the house cosy and I begin to seek out draught excluder’s,fur rugs and fleecy dressing gowns. My light ,airy summertime room iS already transformed in to a russet ,cream and brown haven of cosiness. Lit in the evenings by candles in coloured glass containers it exudes comfortable warmth.

As Autumn turns to winter this theme will be accentuated until,like “Ratty” from “The Wind In The Willows” I am fully prepared for the winter months of dozing before the fire......at least in theory at any rate,

Gone are the pretty wayside flowers from the vases, stalks of wheat grass,sprays of berries and flowering ivy now take their place adding to the warmth with their autumn richness.

Even Pa feels the change in the air and is tidying his room....don't pass out on me now......he is actually beginning to make inroads in to the....what's the word I am searching for......ah yes....dump will do nicely.

The fact is that as it now seems likely that he will be spending some time in hospital shortly I am convinced that he is worried the I shall instigate another ruthless turn out of all the accumulated detritus currently hiding under his desk and behind book cases. While I admit that this was in my mind I am not such a dragon as to trash anything important,the trouble is that one woman’s trash is another man, treasure....sad by true!

During the afternoon I ventured forth to buy some cheese and fruit,I set out swathed in a fur collared cloak and returned still more cocooned by a bright yellow rain cape;sartorially in elegant but very,very noticeable to other traffic!

Even the planning of the weeks menus has taken an autumnal turn and now features such delights as chicken stew with bacon dumplings, ham and leek pie, braised steak and onions with heaps of buttery mashed potato and one of our great specialities London Particular. This delicacy is a soup made from the stock in which the ham was boiled and dries green peas,the result of this marriage is a warming ,tasty soup which is as thick as the London fog from which it takes its name.

The nights are growing noticeably colder now,last night I was glad to pull up the rust colour fleece left conveniently at the foot of the bed. I love to sleep with the windows open and I do so until it becomes impractical,that being when the rest of the family begin to moan about the frost on their morning coffee!

I used to dislike Autumn,for me it spelled the end of summer fun,endless evenings in the soft summer air,older now I find a good deal of satisfaction in the seasons changes and in preparing my home for the dark winter months ahead.

My mother says that I have always been contrary and used to prophesy that I would hate the winter as I grew older,it has not happened yet and I hope it never will.

The year has it's seasons just as we have ours. There is much to be enjoyed in autumn and in winter time,just as there is in growing older,I do not hold with the modern idea that one is past it at the moment the first bloom of youth wears away.

Just as the autumn brings a mellowness to the harsh heat of summer,and the pure pleasure of cool air touching ones skin. Just as wintertime brings the fun of bonfire night and the joy of Christmas,so growing older brings with it, for me at least, blessings of it's own. Quietness of spirit,assurance in ones place in the scheme of things and above all time to enjoy the delights of home,family and friends; in fact it rather increases my enjoyment of the winter festivals.

Perhaps it is looking after Pa,and my own growing infirmity which has given me this out look for there is one thing of which I am absolutely certain, the view is always better if one looks on the bright side,if one see,s the good in people and the happiness in the small pleasures of life.

Happiness should be now, right this minute, and we should try to find it everywhere if we want not to be miserable. Looking for some happy time in the future leads to nothing but emptiness ,for as we know tomorrow never comes.

Of course I suffer, as do we all ,from occasional spells of gloom and there are many tragedies in life which cannot be laughed off,and this is the exact point I am trying so clumsily to make,seize the good times and enjoy them,then treasure the memories so that when the bad times come there will be consolation and hopefully a return to happiness,in time, for us all.

A MASTER CLASS AND SOME MAGICAL MUSHROOMS

We had a lovely breakfast this morning and a good deal of fun too, when a friend came to breakfast and to demonstrate his amazing scrambled eggs. While my son made lots of toast,I fried the bacon and our friend worked his magic on the eggs. It was such fun,all piled in to the kitchen together and reminded me of my childhood home where everyone gave a hand to cook breakfast.

I always though my scrambled eggs were pretty good ,until today. We were served a real treat,soft fluffy feather light scrambled eggs without a trace of grease (a problem I sometimes have with mine)and the flavour was excellent. We all tucked in and soon there was nothing left but a few toast crusts,I can honestly say that I have never eaten better scrambled eggs.

So the honours rest with our guest chef, I am not too proud to learn and shall ,in future prepare my scrambled eggs a la Mark.

After our meal the boys went off to their game and I decided to go elderberry picking,in the rain.

Singularly unsuccessful having been gazumped by the birds I was about to head for home when I saw something amazing....the biggest toadstool I have ever seen. It was a lovely golden brown colour and it completely encircled the bole of a large tree in the churchyard.

It quite took my breath away and I whipped out my camera to get a few shots,without them I did not expect to be believed when speaking of its size. It is ,thankfully well hidden from view or I fear that it would fall prey to vandals who would kick it to pieces for the hell of it.

I am told that even massive toadstools such as this one can grow overnight,quite something if true.

I could not help wondering if it might be edible, just imagine that with scrambled eggs and bacon.

FRIDAY THE 13TH

I may have mentioned already that my son,normally very level headed, is positively phobic about today's date! In the past I have attempted to keep the date from him but since he worked in the media this was doomed to failure.

This morning we awoke, earlier than usual, cheerful and even pa got up in time for breakfast without any prodding. All went well until the silly so and so reading the news mentioned the date(something which even I was blissfully unaware of at the time) and put the evil eye upon all things.

At first I had hopes that he had not heard the benighted idiot...............he'd heard alright for the next moment he launched into a panic stricken forecast of all the dreadful events which could,because of the day ,arise from our normal Friday business. Well of course I pooh-poohed the whole idea,fool that I am,events were to prove me wrong!

From the moment we went downstairs to breakfast small niggley problems began to intrude themselves in to our well planned day and although breakfast was lovely and went without any hitch....almost … the prospect of spending a day with my son in Friday the 13^th mode had a depressing effect upon our spirits as we ate.

Things began to go wrong quickly. Nothing much you understand,nothing that on any other day we should have laughed at of even ignored,today these trifles were invested by my son with sinister meaning,omens ,portents of worse to come!

As the day wore on he became more and more jittery,even I,on a quick trip to our local hardware store began to wonder if the erratic driving of the man in front of me on the road had some thing to do with ...you know what. Due to work n progress the pavements have been cordoned off all week ,which has meant that we have been obliged to take to buggy on to the road. Now it must be faced that the drivers of motor cars have a dislike of mobility scooters and those who use them,this is because they have not the imagination to understand they too could find themselves needing to use one eventually.

It is the same thing exactly as the attitude of the young to the elderly,they act as if they are notorious for having discovered the secret of eternal youth,poor souls, how soon they will see they are mistaken.

Enough of this frippery,back to Friday 13^th, where every spill, missed phone call, burned piece of toast and even the weather were being blamed upon the day. Would a self defrosting refrigerator choose to spew water all over the kitchen on any other day? Yes of course it would,and did ,not two days ago, nevertheless the day got the blame, and thank the Gods for it,at least it stopped us looking for the idiot responsible for pressing the auto defrost button.......for the second time in a week!

I must admit that I have had better days and certainly I I shall be very relieved when the clock strikes midnight and we can all get back to normal...until the next time!

What a day!

It's been a hell of a day here, but a pleasant one – however Avie's brain was too fogged to write a blog tonight, following her many endeavours. Normal service to return tomorrow...

SNEAKY

Way back in the year nineteen hundred and frozen to death Robert Redford starred in a film with the late lamented River Phoenix,that film was called “Sneakers”

We enjoyed the film so much we must have watched the video at least fifty times, really exiting and very entertaining it whiled away many a winters evening,watching with my son,then a small child.

The plot centred around the fact that the NSA has created a little black box which enabled them to spy on American systems,yes American,not Russia or China but there own people!

After many exciting chases,and potentially deadly confrontations the villain was outed and you probably know the rest.

Today I discovered, along with the rest of the world that the NSA really have been spying on American citizens,to what end we can but guess. I am certain that it will be explained away as a necessary counter terrorist measure, of course it was, and there goes that purple flying pig again.

Counter terrorism my Aunt Fanny!

In this country the same thing happens, while we are being encouraged to hound the British Press,one of the few reliable sources of information world wide, our sneaky government are busy tapping the phones and reading the private emails of ordinary Joes in the street, little old ladies,such as myself,in fact anyone who disagrees even slightly with their view of things.

How the British Government can keep it's collective face straight while holding these inquires in to the behaviour of the press I cannot imagine.

Now before the bleeding hearts begin to yelp that I condone intrusive behaviour by the Press ,or indeed any agency,in to the private lives of private individuals let me say this.

Either we have freedom of the press or we do not.

We cannot say that the press will be free except for this or that, any infringement of the freedom of the press is an infringement upon the freedom of speech on which we pride ourselves,and think of this. While certain members of our benighted society clap their hands like seals at feeding time over the Governments crack pot proposal to allow only those with a government license to disseminate items of news,where does that leave me,and you,and anyone else who broadcasts their oppinions on line. What happens to us if we write an article,like this one say.Ten years in the salt mines perhaps.

Any small annoyance, and in the great subject of freedom of speech these infringments are small is the price we muse expect to pay for the freedom we are so proud of.

As for the NSA, shame on them for what they have done, In times like these goverments cannot afford to alienate their own countrymen,they are a disgrace in a country such as the USA just as they are in the UK. We have have been taught to pity the Russian peoples who have bee,n and for all I know still are spied upon by the KGB,the east Germans at the mercy of the Stasi which promoted a climate of grassing up thy neighbour. They were and are better off than we ,they knew about the secret police who spied upon their every move, until today we did not.

To those persons who may be reading my blog or listening to my telephone conversations I have only this to say,Avies Countdown to Christmas will be starting soon so note books at the ready chaps you won't want to miss that,will you?

PLAYING DRAUGHTS

All my life I have lived in houses which were old,with the exception of a short stay in a modern bungalow which I disliked intensely. Making the choice to live in an old property means coming to terms with the quirks, and oddities which all properties of character seem to have in spades. Along with the feature fireplaces, mullioned windows and original doors and windows come the original draughts, these are a force to be reckoned with to be sure.

Some friends of ours purchased a lovely old place and were delighted to find beneath layers of carpet oak floor boards of considerable age. Afire with the zeal one can only acquire by watching makeover shows the couple hired them to a tool hire company and returned to there new abode with a huge sanding machine.

Words of advice and even stark warnings as to the possible folly of entering upon such a course without proper research went in one ear and out the other as throughout the bank holiday weekend they scoured the old floor boards without mercy until not a trace of old paint or varnish remained.

Staining and varnishing came next, and the choosing of a fabulous rug, a feature rug, so much nicer than fitted carpets they told all comers. When finished it did look splendid with it's shaggy terracotta rug, so cosy we were told,this was in August and the weather was hot.

We next visited our friends on Christmas Eve, a huge log fire burned in the picturesque fire grate, the cosy terracotta rug was now keeping company with a pair of splendid conker brown heavy velvet curtains and the whole effect was wonderfully snug and cosy. Our friends we noticed were wearing thick sweaters and even thicker woolly socks, we sat huddled around the fire chatting as the candle flames guttered in some of the wickedest draughts I have ever encountered.

I was glad when it was time to leave, my feet were numb and it took hours to thaw them out on our return home. So what had caused the great gale which blew through their living room bringing down the Christmas cards from the mantle piece faster than they could be put back again? It was of course the gaps between the floor boards.

The old boards had obviously been sanded many times and the heavy duty bashing thay were given by our friends was, it seems the last straw. It had left the boards not only thin but with large gaps between the planks. It had been decided that caulking would spoil the natural beauty of the wood ,and well it might, still I think I would have preferred a tasteful fitted carpet and a cosy room to the glossy oak floor boards and Arctic gear. No one said we told you so when some weeks later an attractive fitted carped appeared and the terracotta rug made a short appearance on eBay.

We fight a constant battle at the cottage against draughts,each year we try new methods of excluding them, mostly to no avail. In the winter we rearrange furniture in all the rooms so as to avoid these cold spots, we survive. I am, after all these years used to draughts and certainly I prefer them to being hermetically sealed in by double glazing. Thick curtains help a lot and when then east wind is really bad - I recommend cotton wool in the ears!  

THE OOZALUM BIRD,IT'S EFFECT ON POLITICS

                                                The Oozalum bird in the act of vanishing

The legend of the Oozalum bird is well know to all but for the few who may be uninitiated I will explain that this extremely rare bird has it's own strange behaviour to account for it's scarcity.  The Oozalum bird is large, noisy, gaudy and incredibly stupid. It has one wing shorter than the other and so it flies in ever decreasing circles very rapidly when startled, the bird eventually disappears up it's own backside,never to be seen again.

In recent years it has been noted that the particular virus which causes the bird to vanish in the way afore mentioned has crossed species and is now infecting humans, there is unfortunately much evidence of this

In The United States of America the Star Spangled Oozalum bird has been perched on the white house roof for some time, with dire consequences. Although President Obama may not be the sharpest tack in the tin it is only in recent weeks that the influence of this creature has caused him to flap about oozalum bird style style ;and although he has not yet disappeared up his own ass,he looked at times at the G20 summit as if he wished he could do so!

The British version of this exotic bird,known as the Superior,Crusta Cimex Anglicus haunts the corridors of power at Whitehall.

It is even said that the ancestors of the unfortunate creature placed a curse upon the house of Cameron at the time of the Great Rebellion,that should any of the tribe enter the house of Commons a great disaster would befall.

As far as I am concerned the disaster happened as soon as Cameron formed a government after the last general election. All that to on side he has seemed very indecisive, has made some extremely stupid mistakes and has performed so many violent U turns that it is a miracle that he has not yet mastered the Oozalums birds trick.

There is of course a Russian member of the Oozalum family colloquially known as the Posturing Ozzalum bird . This `odd creature differs from its western cousins in so far as it insists upon sitting on the highest perch available. Should the highest perch be unavailable this queer little bird puffs out its chest in an attempt to intimidate its rivals and squawks loudly and threateningly, thereby making itself look so ridiculous that it,s rival laugh themselves in to fits. This causes them to fall off their high perches thus giving the Puffed up Russian bird an opportunity to gain the top spot.

The Syrian version of the bird is blind and therefore unable to discern who its enemies are. It has been know to hide from the chef when about to be cooked by climbing in to the oven and turning on the gas... weird.

While it is obvious that I have come over “all Whimsical” it must be faced that the Politicians most concerned in this messy, mad and murderous war are in grave danger of not only disappearing up their own feathery butt's, it seems that they will not rest content unless they have taken the rest of us with them.

Do yourselves and the whole world a favour folks. Next time you see one of these pesky critters,

SHOOT IT!

BUGS, BAD LANGUAGE AND BUMPS ON THE HEAD!

After yesterdays eulogy on the delights of autumn and the pleasures of prudent house keeping I am today in the mood to show the other side of the idyll,after all ,let us be honest of die trying!

Harvesting the fruits of ones labours should be, and often is a very rewarding experience,I get a real buzz from knowing that the food on the table was grown by my own hands and with the sweat of my brow,yet it must be faced,there can be drawbacks.

Many of the fruits have thorny branches,enough said , one expects to pay for ones pleasures.

Then there are the biting beasties,of which there are a great multitude, gnats,midges,horse flies,which lay there eggs under ones skin ,the resulting grubs are called Bots, and very unpleasant creatures they are.

Wasps, always feisty are, at this time of the year drunk through eating rotten and fermenting fruit in which condition they will sting you just for the hell of it! I have in the last month or so spent a fortune on insect repellent, most of which seemed to act more as a relish than a deterrant!

Then there is the experience of picking fruit in the pouring rain, this not unusual occurrence made today’s picking of ten pounds of damsons damned unpleasant and the damp air caused the gnats to be even more voracious than usual.

Picking apples,especially in a group requires the deployment of a tin hat,similar to those worn by A.R.P. wardens in the second great war. The alternative,bumps on the head or worse rotten fruit in ones hair.

The making of jam is a messy business,bubbling cauldrons of jam splash the kitchen with a substance similar to Kensington Gore and are often found a considerable distance from the pan. Then there is the matter of the damson stones, which have to be skimmed of as the jam cooks,failure to perform this annoying task can lead to broken teeth and fractured friendships. It is a job I detest and I usually say a rude word to every stone as I chase it around the bubbling pan with a skimmer,getting spattered with boiling jam the while.

Storing the blessed jam jars during the time they are not in use is a right royal pain in the rear as is scrubbing off the labels which proclaim the jar's former use. This task is often the cause of much course abuse on my part as the recalcitrant labels refuse to budge.

Having said all of this I still believe that it is fun to make ones own preserves........most of the time!

AUTUMN FIDGETS

Every year at about this time I feel an overwhelming urge to make ready for the winter months ahead and like a squirrel I stuff my pantry with foodstuffs and prepare the house for the dark cold days and nights ahead.

Today this may seem odd and has ,in the past called froth a degree of ridicule from some of my city friends,yet in the country side where I grew up it was and still is quite normal to lay in supplies against possible shortages when the bad weather comes.

Already our cupboards and shelves are bulging with a variety of preserves and there is more still to be made, beans and apple rings blanched and frozen on trays join the gooseberries and black currants,wine berries and strawberry pulp. All will,in time find their way to the table in one guise or another,when bought fruit becomes expensive.

Light summer curtains are taken down and thicker lined ones take their place, fur rugs and thick patchwork quilts replace the fine thin cotton sheets and summer throws.

Of course these are not deployed all at once, but little by little as the weather cools and the nights draw in these winter delights will appear once more.

Vases of wild flowers are replaced by candles and oil lamps. The search for the hot water bottles begins(every year we forget where we put them) all in all it is a busy time for all of us at the cottage.

The pay off..to coin a phrase is that no matter what weather winter throws at us we shall be self sufficient. Should there be power cuts we have the lamps and candles to fall back on,not for us a frantic hunt in the dark for a missing flash light. Last winter when the power failed we had light in all the rooms within a couple of minutes and life carried on uninterrupted.

Most people buy charcoal during the summer months,we begin to hoard the stuff in the autumn, to be used if the gas and the electricity fail at the same time.

I have the means to cook out of doors on an open fire or in a brick oven,it works well, I have used these things often.

I can guarantee that the very people who crack wise over my squirrelling tendencies will be the first to appear on my doorstep to “borrow” a candle,some paraffin,or some other scarce commodity,it is always so.

By the time lovely autumn has flung her brilliant beauty in to the wind and fingers of frost begin to appear on the glass we shall be snug and warm and ready. For whatever winter has in store,we have our own stores to fall back on while we wait the return of spring.

GHOST CAT

While we are on the subject of the paranormal I really must make your acquaintance with our ghost cat,I am quite serious we really do have the ghost of a cat wandering round the house.

Pa and I were aware of him before we actually saw him,in fact it was some years before he deigned to materialise to anyone except another cat. Our lovely and much missed Lord Tom would ,on occasion appear to be chasing nothing around the room. He would hiss and fizz like a dodgy firework and stare at a particular spot at something only he could see.

Twiggy,has had a slightly better relationship with the ghost,she simply stares at it and follows its movements about the room with interest. Only once or twice has she taken exception to it's presence and chased it up the stairs.

It is since the advent of Moth, my sons little calico cat that the ghost has been visible to us all. Whenever I sit to write at my desk it comes and rubs its self against my legs and then dives under the bed, Sometimes I see it whisking out of my bedroom and on to the landing. There is no mistaking ,this cat is all black unlike any of our moggies.

Often it is a while before I realise that my visitor is not either Moth,or Twiggy,it is only when I put my hand down to stroke it fur and find nothing that I become aware of the ghost.

Shortly before his holiday my son woke and poured himself a glass of water,a cat which he assumed was Moth was washing it's whiskers while sitting on his armchair,suddenly it dawned on him that this cat was black,and when Moth strolled in through the door he was much taken aback!

Moth id very fond of our spectral cat and the two of them play chase for hours,hiding from each other under beds or behind the shower curtain. Our neighbours cat, a dashing tom cat named Harry takes a haughty air in it'd presence,well his is still quite young.

Our ghostly cat has become as much a part of the family as our other cats and I feel that we should name it,and there is the problem. Black cats names such as Sooty,are out of the question and I am loath to call it Spook in case it takes offence

Privately I call him Bast after the Egyptian cat God of that name,it suits him too. On the other hand he is so playful that perhaps my choice is to solemn! Perhaps he already has a name. OH well even with all theses trouble he will cause less problems the the other cats,after all ghosts don't eat!

THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT!

Actually it was not so much a bump,more a blood chilling shriek,and it certainly gave my son and I the jim-jams.

It was Sunday night,around midnight. I was about to turn in and my son was in his room writing, the night air was still,all was quiet when from high in the air and to the right of the cottage an ear splitting shriek made me almost jump out of my skin.

The shriek became a dreadful wailing and had moved quickly to a position in front of the house. I am finding it impossible to describe the terrifying sound,it was certainly not animal,we are used to the peculiar sounds made by foxes and the horrible screaming of their victims, this was no fox.

Nor could it have been human,unless able to fly! By now whatever it was it had taken up a station beneath my bedroom window on the orchard side of the house and the noise through the open window was appalling;it was at this point that my son heard it too.

By the time we met on the landing the screeching and wailing was coming from the churchyard and in the course of a few moments it was back where it began and had circled the house completely.

Once again all was quiet and had my son not also witnessed the event I might have though I had dreamed the whole thing. Even though the cries had stopped somewhere in my head I could still hear it and this continued for several hours. Much later I went to make coffee as I could not sleep, my son,also sleepless met me on the landing. Coffee made my son quite out of the blue asked me if what we had heard could have been a banshee!

There is in my families genes a little of every country that makes up the British Isles and so the answer could be yes. We laughed it off and went back to our rooms ,this time to sleep just as dawn was breaking.

Now here is the really odd bit of the story,although Pa was wide awake and in spite of the fact that whatever the beast was it performed for some time under his open bedroom window ,he heard nothing, not a squeak!

This has me almost convinced that one of my family's harbingers has paid us a visit for this one is peculiar in so far as it can only be heard by those related by blood to the family it haunts.

This is the first time for me and I fervently hope it will be the last................perhaps I should rephrase that last remark!

JAM OF A THOUSAND CURSES

There is a delectable confection loved by all who try it,the recipe is very old and not to be found in modern cookery books. In the age of ready meals and microwaves it would seem that these old recopies have little place ,but in times of austerity such a delicious and nutritious preserve is worth considering.

Should you attempt this recipe I give you fair warning that its name is well deserved,also known as apple and rose hip marmalade the process is painful and sticky in equal measure and for shear aggravation value it is second only to rose hip wine,I made this beverage only once and in spite of the fact that it is a wonderful wine my courage was not sufficient to attempt it more than once.

2 kg rose hips

2 kg cooking apples

juice of 1 lemon

one and a half pound of sugar

Wash the rose hips and place in a sauce pan with a litre and a half of water. Bring to the boil and simmer until the hips are soft crushing them occasionally. When they are soft empty in to a small jelly bag and strain over night.

Next day peel the apples and put them in a saucepan with a little water,bring to the boil and simmer gently until soft. Add the rose hip juice and the sugar then bring to the boil stirring until the sugar had dissolved. Boil for about ten minutes until setting point is reached then pour in to prepared jars.

This preserve is wonderful as a relish served with cold chicken,turkey or ham and is equally delicious eaten on a scone with a little cream.

Here is an important tip for anyone rash enough to attempt this recipe. The wild rose ,on which the hips grow is a thorny little devil and no matter how careful you may be you will fall victim to it's revenge on anyone stealing it's bounty. Removing the thorns is well nigh impossible and the best thing to do is wait a few days for them to pop out of there own accord.

I once,by grave mischance sat down on a wild rose bush ,the consequences of this accident haunted me for days. You have been warned!