PA.

There are times when I ask myself. “Why can't I have a normal family, like everyone else.” Today was one of those days!. I hit the ground running, metaphorically speaking at seven and as everyone else was still blissfully somnolent I did some quite dusting, quite a lot of quiet dusting as by eight thirty every one was still asleep. Being I kind and thoughtful soul I made coffee for all and took it round the various rooms like a blasted waiter on room service duty.

Pa had an opticians appointment at eleven and I remanded him of this several times in rising tones of panic as time passed without much movement from the old curmudgeon. By dint of threats and gentle coaxing I managed to get him to the table and we breakfasted of pancakes with lemon and sugar cooked in relays by yours truly while the rest of the pack took their ease and stuffed their faces, typical.

After much ado I OT him out of the house and on the road only slightly late and returned exhausted to the kitchen where the dishes , the bread making and the preparation of a roast guinea fowl with all the trimmings awaited my attention. I t was then that I noticed that the dryer was full of wet sheets? The washing machine was full of unwashed underwear and I realised that Pa was still obsessing about the spin speed on the washing machine.

This latest fixation has been the cause of much strife during the past two weeks and unless I supervise every load myself the result is that the washing does not get done. Before I could begin the days bread making I was obliged to sort out the washing as there is an underpants shortage due to Pa's little peccadillo. I went about the kitchen like and old witch muttering spells and it was well that the culprit was absent during this time! I finished the job, got out the dough trough, assembled the ingredients but before I could begin there was a knock at the door.....two for tea and biscuits, actually I did not mind as they are friends who are always welcome and the came with a bag of jam jars which are like gold dust in these parts at this time of year, and a beautiful painting done by the lady as a thank you for the jam I have sent to them in the past. It was a pleasant interlude but it slowed my=e down considerably.

I made the bread and was about to clear the kitchen when another caller arrived, barely fifteen minute after the others had left, some days I really do feel as if I am running a café. The trouble is that they are all such delightful people that I am always glad to see them, the bad part is that the garden and the housework suffers while I entertain the hoards! I put the risen dough in to the oven and resigned sat down with yet another cup of tea.

Alone at last and with the bread cooling I began the preparations for dinner and it was then that I noticed the time.....Where the hell was Pa......and what the hell was taking so long.....I called......no answer. Fuming I got on with a few other jobs and at one thirty I called again, still no answer. When after many attempts I managed to contact the old so and so he told me that he was on his way and would be home soon. Imagine then my chagrin when and hour passed without any sign of the abscent Pa.

Things were getting serious as it was past three and I needed to think about putting the bird in to roast, as I pondered this minor catastrophe Pa rolled down the path with the air of one who has hurried all the way, I was not convinced.. After another hours faffing about the old rogue, who was in a teasing mood went out to feed the birds, this was his job, note the singular, this is because I did just about everything else .Obviously it should be done in the morning but he gets later and later even on a day when he has nothing else to do. It is not motivation he needs, what he actually needs is a stick of dynamite you know where.

I am aware that I am venting steam and I apologise, you see it is pointless to say this to Pa as he would just do even more things to wind me up and I am at the ropes end.

I have come to the conclusion that the more I worry about him the more he plays upon my fears for his health. He has as I have mentioned lost a lot of weight for no apparent reason and in order to build him up I have been cooking things that he likes and making treats to boost his calorie intake.
Knowing this he torments me by coming to the dinner table two hours late. This means that I am spending hours holding meals for him and some things just will not hold.

Tonight will be the last time the rest of us wait while our meal spoils because he insists upon playing the damned silly ass! As of tomorrow meals will be served at a particular time, incidentally this is vital when my son I working nights, and if he does not show up on time he will not eat.



This has been a very bad day, that is a fact, tomorrow may be better and if it is not then it must be faced. The truth is that I am afraid that I may not have the strength to continue with this seemingly hopeless cause and yet I cannot give up. I know that I need to rest and yet there is no rest for some one in my position, ask any full time carer and they will tell you the same. What will happen to him if I become to frail to look after him any more, this thought keeps me going but by my actions I am bringing the dreadful day closer and I cannot bear the thought. One thing of which I am certain is that I shall not allow my son to shoulder the burden, that thought is the hardest of all and it will never happen, that I guarantee. My wonderful son is my rock and yet it is his very goodness which makes me fear for the future,his future and makes me so determined that he shall not suffer as I have.

If I did not love Pa I would not care at all about his health and welfare, yet he is a different person now , one I barely recognise,he is a stranger, uncaring and selfish instead of thoughtful and kind. It is for past time that I now continue to care, I can do no less for such a good man as he was once. I have already lost him and that is what is so hard to face.

Today the sun has shone, the garden positively glowed in the afternoon light and all around the sights and sounds of early summer wove their magic, what a wretch I am to complain when all this beauty is spread out for my pleasure. Now as the light fades except for the final gilding of the tree tops as the sun sinks low I see how lucky I really am to have so much to wonder at .

Please do not be concerned, I am just getting the days pain out of my system in the only way I can and I am sure that tomorrow I shall feel much better. My little cat replete after a meal of guinea fowl scraps is seeking attention, there is nothing quite like a cats company for calming the nerves. Tomorrow, will be better.