My father was a renown practical joker,he also had the remarkable ability of making people believe the tallest tales and accept them as truth,a lethal combination. No matter how many jokes he pulled everyone fell for it every time,on this occasion the joke was on me.
Every night my father would nip off to our local pub for a pint and as I was often there before him I always left him a drink behind the bar.
It was Saturday night and the place was packed ,there were quite a few strangers in the place as it was a well dressing weekend and this festival brought in folks from far and wide.
I arrived and fought my way to the bar and was most surprised to find my father was about to leave,even more amazing was his refusal when I offered to by him a drink;he seemed in an almighty hurry to leave so we said our goodbyes and I returned to the bar.
Looking around as I waited to be served I noticed that a few people were acting strangely, as if they had lost something,and several of the ladies seemed agitated . Before I had time to make my order the landlord leaned across the bar and said in a low voice”I've seen it.” I was baffled and replied”Seen what?” I had no idea what he was talking about.
“Didn’t he tell you just now?” The landlord asked. “Tell me what?” I replied in desperation.
Then it all came out in a rush. Apparently my father had entered the pub and ordered a drink as usual and then after afew moments of frantic searching for something he told the landlord that he had lost his ferret! He further explained that as my father was in a hurry he has promised that I would catch it and take it home. Great!!!!!! There was just one small problem....my father did not have a ferret to lose!!
Insisting that he had seen it hiding behind the piano I was taken thence and was obliged to watch as two burly men wheeled it out while it was being played by some old timer,who continued the massacre “Danny boy” regardless of the mayhem around him . The backing was torn and they removed the remainder so that I could have a look. I looked. After all how could I tell them at this late stage that there was no ferret?
Screams from the lounge told us that the ferret had been sighted again and on entering the room It was plain that panic had set in as all the ladies and quite a few of the men were standing on their seats and refusing to get down until the beast was caught, I searched most diligently,and found...... nothing.
Hunting ferrets is thirsty work and just as I had managed to get my hands on a pint of Guinness an ear splitting scream alerted me to more trouble and the landlady, who had gone to hide upstairs until the ferret was caught appeared in the bar insisting that the “Little bugger” was hiding upstairs in her airing cupboard.
Now I spied my chance to extricate my self from this mess and I bravely marched upstairs warning every one to leave the stairs door shut. I would, I told them catch the ferret and then take it out of the back door to the safety of my car where it would cause no further trouble.
Word soon got around that the beast was no longer at large in the bar or lounge and folks settled down, the silence was deafening as they listened with baited breath for sounds of big game hunting from upstairs. I went in to the airing cupboard and banged about, cursed a little in a loud voice and then with a cry of triumph I stuffed a pair of woolly socks up my shirt and headed for the back door.
No one came out to look at the captured critter “Thanks be to God” and I made it back to the bar unmolested where I was hailed as a heroine!
Everyone wanted to buy me a drink for catching the bogus ferret and I felt like a fraud whenever I accepted one. It turned out to be a long night and the next day my head hummed like a swarm of bees.
My father appeared at breakfast with a grin a mile wide and I swore a dreadful vengeance on him for obliging me to spend hours searching for a non existent ferret.
What still amazes me to this day is how many people said they had seen the blasted thing, the power of suggestion is great indeed! And the revenge....that's for another time.
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