For some reason I cannot fathom most biting insects seem to be inordinately partial to my flesh. I can be sitting among a group of people at an out door evening event and be the only person to be bitten.

Over the years I have tried every known mozzie repellent to no avail,even the so called”Jungle Strength” ones seem to act more as a relish than a deterrent! I even tried drinking lots of G, and T and actually it did work up to a point,the point being that if I drank enough I did not mind the itchy little bumps made by the pesky little bugs!

Wonder of wonders,when my new mobile phone arrived it had an App which,it claimed made a noise which repelled the little blighter’s,I was sceptical,all the same I tried it....and it worked.

Night after night ,slept with all my bedroom windows open and not a single bite resulted from this rash behaviour. Day after day I took the phone with its sneaky device with me when I went in to the orchard,a place haunted by as vicious and nasty a breed of mozzy as ever I encountered and returned bite free.

Great was my rejoicing to have found ,at last the cure for all the misery of itchy bites in summer time,here was an end of all the sleepless nights and endless tubes of antihistamine cream.......until last night!

Last night like a fool I forgot to ensure that my mobile phone battery was fully charged and at some time during the night my wonder bug repellent ceased functioning. The result of this act of appalling stupidity is a large number of extremely large,vicious and horribly itchy bumps ,many in places best not discussed in polite society! It was as if the little devils had been camping outside the windows awaiting their chance.............and |I gave it to them!

Once again I have spent hours anointing the afflicted parts with bite cream. And can,I am certain look forward to a night with little sleep due to these horrid little bugs. This of course pays me out for becoming blasé about the matter,a mistake which a assure you I shall not make again.

I used to groan when people raved on about their Apps,I take it back,they can be wonderful,life changing even. For instance there is an amazing fart App and you can slyly make use of it in shop queues, packed lifts,at a crowded bar when you cannot get served......................................................