WHAT PRICE A HOT PIE ?

While still half awake this morning I thought I heard the strangest thing, it was so far fetched that I did not actually believe it until half an hour later as I was sipping my coffee there it was again. Apparently VAT is now to be added to the price of a hot pie, but it is the term hot which is the cause of the trouble as the pie can only be considered hot if it is above the ambient temperature.

Now the shops which sell these delectable items serve their pie, sausage roll, cheese puffs etc. at 21oC so we now have a situation where if the ambient temperature is higher than the 21o serving temperature they there is no VAT to pay >However if you are rash enough to purchase your pie in the middle of winter when the ambient temperature is lower a charge of 20% VAT will be added to the cost of your pie.

Further more the time of day at which you purchase your pie may well make a difference to its cost. Make your purchase in the early morning and it is entirely possible even in the summer time that the temperature will be lower that 21Oc, by lunch time the price of the pie will have lowered by the afore mentioned amount.

So how is this ludicrous charge to be fairly added to your pie? Perhaps each pie shop could employ a person to stand in the street with a thermometer and let the shops staff know when the temperature rises enough to add on the VAT, certainly this will create a few much needed jobs . Alternatively we could all carry our own thermometer and argue the toss with the shop assistants every time we make a purchase.


Then again supposing that your shop was on the sunny side of the street and across the road another Pie shop was operating in the shade,the shady premises would be at a permanent disadvantage which does seem most unfair. Let us the move to the hot chickens sold in supermarkets which will also be covered by this new legislation. Ways to avoid the addition of Vat will be easily found just by turning down the heat in that part of the store as they do at the fresh neat or fish counter, an easy dodge.

Alternatively as my son suggested the pie shop could open a foundry next door.

Mr Cameron said that he had brought in this legislation to close a loop hole.....just the one? By this piece of total stupidity he has crocheted a mass of loop holes through which I have no doubt many will pass and my own thoughts on the matter are that if our Government has been reduced to such desperate measures to raise a few bucks then we must be a damn sight worse off that anyone thought.

If this scenario was put forward as a comedy sketch it would be considered too far fetched, such is life! Trying to explain this arrant nonsense to Pa during breakfast gave both my son and myself a headache and made us realise how crazy the idea really is.

SUGGESTIONS FOR WAYS TO RAISE TAXES

1 . Place a tax upon the purchase of Wellington boots and umbrellas on wet days. Especially for farmers and those who live in Wales.
2 .Charge pedestrians a footfall tax and fit us all with pedometers.
3 .Tax babies for being born by obliging them to take out a loan at birth similar to the student loan to be paid back when they become adults
4 .Tax the elderly if they have the audacity to live beyond the age of seventy and if they cannot pay sell their children and their grandchildren into slavery to pay off the debt.

I jest of course!