LANDLORD TROUBLE

I may in the past have mentioned that ,my house belongs to a titled gentleman from the North of England,and that this part of the estate is run by a rare bunch of corporate numpties with whom I have ,on occasion found myself at odds.

Expressions concerning drunken merrymaking in a brew house fall far short of describing the antics of these individuals.

We are, after a good deal of pressure on my part to have a new gas hob (the old on is dangerous), new work surfaces(the old ones are full of holes) and a new sink(the old one leaks) OK so far.

Next comes the question of where they work tops are to be made? Well of course you would expect them to be made in the estate workshop which is fitted out with all the right equipment,jig saws,circular saws and work benches, you would be wrong.

The Estate Manager wants to have them made.......in my small kitchen! No space. No proper tools and no workbench......no brainer!

Who is to make them? Well of course you would expect them to be made by the Estate carpenter,a highly skilled individual who could polish off the entire job in a day. Wrong again. The Estate Manager wants to have them made by a new recruit,known already as Superman as he professes to be able to do everything....unfortunately he has no qualifications in anything other than world class bull shitting at which he knows no peer!

In the few months he has been here he has brought down two ceilings, blown up the electrics (oh he knows all about electrics....unfortunately he is colour blind) and tried to fit a long mirror over a wide dado rail with disastrous results! These you understand are very much edited highlights.

The gas hob will be fitted by a company who deals with all the gas appliances on the estate,fine ,but will these same people be asked to do the plumbing on the new sink and the reconnecting of other pipe work,no! Even though they are a firm of plumbers, so that the same man could do the job,no!

Instead,Superman(who has a rudimentary knowledge of plumbing )has been designated to do the job, and to make matters worse ,he will not be free to ruin my kitchen for several weeks!

Needless to say I have pointed out the obvious problems which will ensue should the Estate manager prevail. Instead of the tops being prepared in advance and fitted on the same day that the gas hob and sink are connected ,it could well take several days for the armature joiner to deal with the job. Instead of the old work surfaces being replaced right away their will be a long delay while Superman makes them without the aid of the proper tools and on a rickety workmate either in my kitchen or out on the yard.

The situation is ludicrous, but fear not gentle reader, I have already delivered a broadside which will I hope score a direct hit and scupper their stupid attempt to cause trouble,for make no mistake that is their sole intent.

If all goes according to plan the gentlemen in question may find that they have difficulty in sitting down in the not too far distant future.