AUTOMATED ANSWERING SYSTEMS SUCK

It was a cheery group who sat down to a a breakfast of hot buttered potato cakes this morning.
My son had had a bloody awful night at work, and I had been kept awake by arthritic pain but were in a mood to enjoy ourselves and that is exactly what we did. After breakfast and with the dishes done I put the kettle on for coffee, my son went of to finish reorganising his library and Pa sat down to open his mail.

RED ALERT! RED ALERT! Pa had received a communication about his bank account. “So what?” I here you ask, as well you may. Why such consternation over such a trivial event?
Simply this Pa does not have an account with the branch who had written to him.

Well of course we all began to imagine that Pa was a victim of identity theft and the obvious thing to do was to call the bank in question, yes.......NO! You see the bank has an automated service which asks for your account number before it will put you through and as I said earlier Pa does not have an account with this bank.

After much messing about he used the old trick of hashing his way through the numerous questions. This has the effect of buggering up the automated system which then puts you through to ...A REAL PERSON......

Pa told the REAL PERSON what had occurred and voiced his fears as to being a victim of identity theft. The REAL PERSON told him that he would have to take the letter to his nearest branch,Pa told the REAL PERSON again that he did not have a branch. Once again he was told to take it to his nearest branch. Pa asked the REAL PERSON if he could check if there really was a bank account in his name and was told to.......Take it to his nearest branch. Pa asked if this was the best that The REAL PERSON could do and was told yet again that it could be sorted out at his nearest branch. Since the REAL PERSON had and even smaller range of answers that the automated system poor Pa was still in the dark and now faced a long trek in to Town.

My son wizard that he is solved the problem at once. He too hashed his way through the daft questions and when he was connected with a REAL PERSON explained that Pa was handicapped and drove straight through all the “Take it to your local branch ”routine to reach there truth. Pa it seems many moons ago had an account with a small bank that has since been taken over by the branch which contacted him and so he does indeed now have a savings account with this bank after all. Why then could not the robotic REAL PERSON who answered the first call have bloody well said so for Gods sake.

If there is on thing I detest more that and automated system it is a twit on the other end of the line who's training only permits him to repeat parrot fashion a couple of daft phrases.
You can imagine them when they arrive home after a day at work.

Wife..”Did go have a good day dear.​”
REAL PERSON. You will have to call your nearest branch and ask them.

Wife: “Fancy an early night dear?”
REAL PERSON : “You will have to call your nearest branch about that madam.